When my mother comes to my graduation, please respect her. Don’t pity her for having given birth to the kid who wrote
this article.
When my mother comes for my graduation, kindly be her tour guide to falls waters because she has always wanted to go there based on the stories I told her about the madnificent falls. I know she will want to take my father to falls for a date but I hereby condemn that because in our community, parents never share “Romance Venues” with their kids. It’s a taboo that can make the kids to have their buttocks start growing on their foreheads. So Sorry kindly don't do this.
To my girlfriend,when my mother comes for my graduation, kindly put on a pair of trousers and a T Shirt written “BAMBURI CEMENT”. She always thinks that campus ladies who put on dresses are hiding pregnancies or are just ugly. By the way girlfriend, my mother saw your facebook profile where you lied that you are the CEO of Bamburi Cement so that’s why you have to put on that Bamburi Cement T Shirt. Sad for you, you only did your internship at Bamburi Cement. I know you are poor but trust me, my mother will want you to build her a cemented house now that she thinks that you work in Bamburi and she has also lost hope in her first born son who studied a course in Non-Sense Writing.
To my former room mate, when my mother comes to my graduation, tell her I was not a drunkard. Tell her I was perfecting the art of doing alcohol adverts for beer on TV. Please tell her that I am a virgin because she has never seen me with ladies the way you have except when she is dreaming and asleep. Tell her I used to be a preacher in Fracas. Sounds holy, donge ? When my mother comes to my graduation, tell her to visit Chela’s hotel in stage and have a bite there because Chela was been my foster mother here in campus in the absence of my mother.
Tell my maternal grandmother's daughter (my mother), to go to admin and look for Professor Richard Mibey and ask him if he can give her a job of using “Tami Dye” to unbleach the bleaching ladies and Vybz Kartels in our village because they bleach their faces and forget to bleach their legs so their faces are Fanta and their legs are coca cola.
Tell my mother that I was in the Moi University Choir and that I used to song sings. This will make her help me to get singing jobs during funerals in our village and in that way I will be paid black goats and black sheep rather than allowing the entertainment director to organize entertainment for the village mourners who don’t know celebrities.
To all Ladies,kindly tell my mother to show you her picture when she was young. You will see that she was a beautiful girl hence the reason why she gave birth to such a writer.
Kindly don’t forget to acknowledge her that she taught me how to fry termites and that is why my girlfriend shifted from the school of LAW to School of Nutrition because her mother in law to be is a good cook of matumbo fry ya kumbe kumbe. Nkt ! Infact tell my mother to apply for the post of senior lecturer in the department of Food and Nutrition. And to you reading this post, when you see my mother, tell her that its her mind that runs in the DNA of my fingers. Tell her that after selling this article to Standard Newspaper, I will get money to buy her the kitenge that she will wear during my graduation.
[A Whoof Deh 2013 November, Only When She Comes For It]
When my mother comes for my graduation, kindly be her tour guide to falls waters because she has always wanted to go there based on the stories I told her about the madnificent falls. I know she will want to take my father to falls for a date but I hereby condemn that because in our community, parents never share “Romance Venues” with their kids. It’s a taboo that can make the kids to have their buttocks start growing on their foreheads. So Sorry kindly don't do this.
To my girlfriend,when my mother comes for my graduation, kindly put on a pair of trousers and a T Shirt written “BAMBURI CEMENT”. She always thinks that campus ladies who put on dresses are hiding pregnancies or are just ugly. By the way girlfriend, my mother saw your facebook profile where you lied that you are the CEO of Bamburi Cement so that’s why you have to put on that Bamburi Cement T Shirt. Sad for you, you only did your internship at Bamburi Cement. I know you are poor but trust me, my mother will want you to build her a cemented house now that she thinks that you work in Bamburi and she has also lost hope in her first born son who studied a course in Non-Sense Writing.
To my former room mate, when my mother comes to my graduation, tell her I was not a drunkard. Tell her I was perfecting the art of doing alcohol adverts for beer on TV. Please tell her that I am a virgin because she has never seen me with ladies the way you have except when she is dreaming and asleep. Tell her I used to be a preacher in Fracas. Sounds holy, donge ? When my mother comes to my graduation, tell her to visit Chela’s hotel in stage and have a bite there because Chela was been my foster mother here in campus in the absence of my mother.
Tell my maternal grandmother's daughter (my mother), to go to admin and look for Professor Richard Mibey and ask him if he can give her a job of using “Tami Dye” to unbleach the bleaching ladies and Vybz Kartels in our village because they bleach their faces and forget to bleach their legs so their faces are Fanta and their legs are coca cola.
Tell my mother that I was in the Moi University Choir and that I used to song sings. This will make her help me to get singing jobs during funerals in our village and in that way I will be paid black goats and black sheep rather than allowing the entertainment director to organize entertainment for the village mourners who don’t know celebrities.
To all Ladies,kindly tell my mother to show you her picture when she was young. You will see that she was a beautiful girl hence the reason why she gave birth to such a writer.
Kindly don’t forget to acknowledge her that she taught me how to fry termites and that is why my girlfriend shifted from the school of LAW to School of Nutrition because her mother in law to be is a good cook of matumbo fry ya kumbe kumbe. Nkt ! Infact tell my mother to apply for the post of senior lecturer in the department of Food and Nutrition. And to you reading this post, when you see my mother, tell her that its her mind that runs in the DNA of my fingers. Tell her that after selling this article to Standard Newspaper, I will get money to buy her the kitenge that she will wear during my graduation.
[A Whoof Deh 2013 November, Only When She Comes For It]
