Talk of times when ordinary foods turn out to be a delicious delicacy. I
have always laughed at how certain foods begin to taste differently. Sometimes
I am tempted to say that maybe its a food that tasted bad still the thrilling
demand harbors the need anyway.
Some pregnant ladies don’t know how to differentiate between appetite and
craving. Craving is when you take small amounts of a certain food so as to fill
in for the emotional need of taste. Appetite is when you expect to taste the
whole dish with the hidden gluttonic agenda of filling up so that you don’t
take an established meal e.g. supper or lunch. That is my definition so if you
have any definition, keep it to yourself.
As I am typing this post, my pregnant girlfriend has started thinking of
devouring the huge bar soap I bought yesterday. Her embryo (my kid to be) has
certainly developed an appetite for laundry soaps. I call it a washed up
appetite. Maybe our kid will grow up to act in bar soap adverts. I just pray
that the embryo doesn’t push my sweetheart into licking powder soap instead of
glucose. The amazing thing is that she now treasures soaps so much that they
have a shelf in our fridge. The fruits now resume their new county of soap
dish. It is very sad to find a ripe mango enjoying the breeze next to your
bathing cloth with sap dripping next to the floor. Its like the mango is
weeping for not being eaten.
My neighbors wife had an appetite of sniffing hair. She would sniff her
husband's hair all night. When she gave birth earlier than expected ( at 8
months ), it was clear that the embryo had a craving for hair and it had
developed a taste for its father's dreadlocks.
When I was in class eight, I overheard my father narrating to his friend
Baba Muchiri how my mother used to eat the orbituary leaf of the daily
newspaper. My father feared that this would superstitiously mean that the
embryo may die and get a "Gone Too Soon" title orbituated in one of
the local dailies. This happened in the third semester of my mother's
conception of me. Fortunately I was born with a dead sense of anti-humor. I
also overheard how during the first semester, my mother went through a three
month session of eating lemons like oranges. Maybe that explains why sometimes
I am bitter and skeptical about life.
One Friday evening, myself and a good friend called Edwin were drinking
some coffee after a long day of reading in campus. While we were drenching our
bowels with caffeine, Edwin told me how his elder brother's wife had a training
craving when pregnant. She used to lick the train's track after it had passed
their neighborhood. She would then smell and enjoy the 'aroma' produced by the
iron rail tracks. I kept wondering, what if it was an electric train passing by
the neighborhood.
Some ladies love eating stones then when they give birth, the keep
wondering why they have given birth to children who don’t smile at anything but
instead posses the perfect example of a stony face. Who knows, maybe famous
wrestler 'The Rock's' mother had also eaten stones while pregnant of him. Maybe
as she ate the rocks, she would then smell the rocks aroma in her throat and
say it loud,'If You Smeeeeeeeeeel'. Okay, lets continue.
Some ladies eat soil especially when rain drizzles on it and leaves a sweet
smell. Hii ndio hufanya mtoto akizaliwa anaongea matope. This makes a kid to
speak speak like mud when grown up.
Ladies dont love it when men play computer games. When Nic's wife was
expectant, she would force herself on the appetite of breaking and eating
computer game pads so that Nic would stop playing FIFA and concentrate on
spending time with her. When Nic touched the phone to text, she would break the
phone and eat it just to get Nic's full attention and when Nic got bored and
wanted to leave the house, she would spill tomato sauce on the clothes Nic wore
so that she blamed the appetite just so that Nic doesn’t leave her alone in the
house. I just wonder if Nic would threaten to leave the house naked. Maybe he
would have been minced meated by the wife.
My mother once told me that she had a craving of eating samosas made of
maize seed stuffings and drinking the delicacy with a cup of tea that has salt
instead of sugar. Her's was very interesting as she told me that during those
times, the smell of onions would make her laugh. As she laughed, the kid in her
belly would roll over. Maybe the kid was a comedian already in the womb.
Rehearsing near fallopian hall and performing at the uterus arena and making
her mother laugh instead of producing tears.
So what are some of the cravings you have ever heard of ?
[ B.O.B A Whoof Deh, Dont Tell My Mum I Said The Above, (c) December 2014 ]
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