Teachers Seducing Each Other [part 1]

HISTORY TEACHERS

MALE TEACHER : I love your oral traditions (looks and smiles) baby, they preserve your culture.

FEMALE TEACHER : Where do you come from ?

MALE TEACHER : I come from Pan African state of Kumbi Saleh and Shona.

FEMALE TEACHER : I thought you come from Olorgesailie.

MALE TEACHER : Why ?

FEMALE TEACHER : Your homo habilistic legs. Anyway I love them.

MALE TEACHER : And you are all gorgeous. Are you from Olduvai Gorge ??

FEMALE TEACHER : No I come from the line of Queen Sheba and Sellasie.

MALE TEACHER : Thats great. Anyway I want to divorce my wife and marry you to provide Maji Maji rebellion to my wife.

FEMALE TEACHER : Why ?

MALE TEACHER : She cooks unstiff ugali that is watery (Maji Maji).

FEMALE TEACHER : In that case, I hope you shall use guerilla tactics to chase away other suitors

GEOGRAPHY TEACHERS

MAN : Baby I love the Muhorovicic discontinuity on your chest. (cleavage) It separates the Milky Way Meteorites properly.

LADY : Wow thanks. I love your atmospheric pressure. How much is it ? (perfume)

MAN : I Don’t know, my mother looted it for me from a Stevenson Screen during the post-election violence (Supermarket)

LADY : I thought you can be my atlas but apparently you are poor. I am trying to say that, I thought you would take me to places I have never been before.

MAN : Don’t worry baby. I'll be your ocean of I.M.F (International Monetary Funder). Your COMESA (Comforter Of Many Efforts Satisfying an Angel)

GAL : In that case, if the sun is too hot and you have no meal or water for your thirst, I'll be your relief rainfall. If hot SOLAR makes you sick, I'll be your VENUS to measure your temperature with a MERCURY thermometer. If the EARTH becomes boring, I will take you to planet JUPITER where we shall listen to romantic music by bruno MARS. If JUPITER is boring, I'll take you to planet NEPTUNE so long as we don’t become PLUTOnic lovers. Above all, I pray to God that SATURN does not interfere with our love.

MAN : For that matter let us take an aeroplane via longitude 36 degrees and go for a honeymoon. Let’s fly with our love high above the skies because the higher you go the cooler it becomes.

CHEMISTRY TEACHERS

MALE : Sweet heart I think I can be your solute, you provide the solvent then we make a solution  to our love problems

FEMALE : Sounds a great idea especially now that each time I see you, my body reacts with benzoic rings of love. Chemically speaking, it has been found by my doctor that you are the reagent of my reactions. It’s just that sometimes I feel jealous

MALE : Why ? because you see me with Alkali or Propane ? Alkali is my neighbor. I can’t have her. Propane is my blood cousin so she can’t cause distillation in my feelings because my love boiling point is 100%

FEMALE : You know I always love you. If you will dare leave me in future, then I will consume H₂SO₄ to corrode my feelings

MALE : I will never leave you. Infact, tonight lets go for a dinner at Thermo-Chemistry Restaurant, Butyl Street. Order what you want on the menu. They have protons and neutrons for snacks and moles for the main course

FEMALE : I love you for you know how to balance my hunger equation.

MALE : My dear, so today are you like hydrogen ?

FEMALE : Why ?

MALE : Today you are making my heart beat with a pop sound

FEMALE : Hahahahaha! [Blushes with her nose and cheeks}

MALE : So what are you today ?

FEMALE : Today I am a gas but not hydrogen

MALE : Sounds great. Are you oxygen today?

FEMALE : No. I am Carbon IV Oxide

MALE : So you can extinguish my burning splint

FEMALE : Why not ?

[They Exit Quickly To Go And Extinguish]

{B.O.B A Whoof Deh © , I Was A Teacher Too, November 2014}

Campus Students, This Is How To Know That You Are Cursed

Its difficult to know how cursed you are but because you have the privilege of me having this rare knowledge of seeing how cursed university students can be, here is an analysis of how to detect if you are cursed.

You get HELB loan and spend it ruthlessly on a first year lady who is on parallel. Now, this first year happens to rule you so much that you forget that sossi was once meat to you. You maliciously buy for her an expensive Samsung touch screen phone with 800MB data bundles. As your HELB begins to reduce, you start picking coca cola bottle tops for free internet bundles to help you keep watsapping this unquenchable volcanically romantic lady only for her to abandon you when the semester ends. Your HELB has now been reduced to HELP. You didn’t even remember to send your mother airtime. Your mother’s phone is some useless Zhin Xhuen East Beijing manufactured phone with a pregnant battery fastened by a bladder. Your mother’s phone has no : power, airtime, watsapp or even a please call me text leave alone an okoa jahazi. Her phone only has network by the service provider. My friend, you have been cursed by your villagers.

The end of semester exams are around the corner yet this is the time you discover how sweet marijuana is with chapatis and cold water fetched from the bathroom shower tap. Then you smoke and enter you room, you take your room mates speakers and laptop and dip them into a bucket full of cold water so that you listen to cool music. You are arrested and taken to the school’s security department and locked in the school’s cell. You end up missing the week one exams. My friend let me tell you that your village elder cursed you while he was listening to the reggae song called, “Ganja Farmer.” Are we together on this?

During the exam period, you decide to want to have sex ceremoniously but unfortunately you are caught. And it is not the first time you are are being caught especially during exam periods. Now this time you are caught by the lady’s boyfriend who happens to be a bouncer. This guy ends up beating the bone of your nose until you get marasmus of the nostrils.You decide all is not lost, you get another lady, you buy her black ice, king fisher and buy yourself glucose and some energy drinks for your supposed work ahead. Unfortunately for you, all students in the school decide to go on a rampage and your dreams of a consolation sex are cut short. My friend let me tell you that your mother cursed you to read only and never have sex while still a student.

As the exams go on, you get yourself a new campus girlfriend. But immediately, the daughter of your village chief who apparently is your ex girlfriend, calls you and tells you that she still loves you the way his father loves to be given free chicken by wrong doers in the village. You get so confused and excited by this call until you send her money for pedicure and manicure yet she has no nails on her feet. So you end up ditching this very descent and bright campus lady for that idiotic chief’s daughter. Let me tell you my friend that your village elders cursed you by dancing naked around a pot of boiling chicken feathers making sure that you are permanently in a romantic tower of babel with this idiotic daughter of your chief who can’t even differentiate between what digit comes firstin the number twenty two.

Still you survive and the semester comes to a close and it’s time to go see your village folks. You want to arrive in the evening because you are the village hero. On your arrival, you are intercepted by some wicked village thieves who apparently steal even food. These thieves also happen to be the suppliers of that deadly marijuana that you smoke mercilessly in campus so I bet you can guess the sizes of their eyes and the pH scale of the color of their eyes.These thieves demand you to surrender your phone and money. You obviously deny and say that you have no phone or money then immediately, your untamed phone rings so loudly and unfortunately your ringtone is, “You can chop my money, chop my money, coz I don’t care,” and the thugs give you a Jackie Chaaan, ‘Achaaa!’.

After the thugs beating, your eyes are so swollen but you arrive home safely. The kerosene in your lamp is finished. You fumble in the dark to get an eye drop medicine to heal your poo eye. Unfortunately, you mistake superglue for the eye drop.

You go to a hospital and your eye is treated. Then the doctor tells you that in order for your bad luck to come to an end, then you must have sex with the chief’s daughter. On your planned day of romping the chief’s daughter, you get with her in bed and she suddenly turns into a coffin.

The next Sunday, you get saved and get an internship in Somalia. On your first day of internship, you enter an elevator, then some Al Shabaab militia enter the same elevator and because you are now saved, your phone rings so loudly and the ringtone is, “Somebody shout Hallelujah!”… I leave you to fantasize on this not so rosy experience.

You get from Somalia back home then you find that the chief’s daughter bought you a new belt as a surprise valentine’s present. So the next day when wearing your trouser, the new belt turns into a snake. Fine you get a Chinese girlfriend who cooks you the belt and you both enjoy the yummy yummy belt.

On the day of your first date with your Chinese girlfriend, you decide to take her to a Chinese restaurant. After eating three bowls of Chin Hua roasts, you realize that you forgot your wallet in the taxi. Apparently, this hotel is owned by Jet Li. I can’t comment on the outcome of forgetting your wallet in this karateful hotel.

All the above symptoms tell you that the person who cursed you died a long time ago. Because of this, there is no medicine to reverse the situation. So remain cursed my friend because the more your curses, then the more I get the material to write about.

[B.O.B A Whoof Deh, I am Not Cursed. © 2014]