Let me borrow a line from William
Shakespeare, “ Friends, Romans, Countrymen, friends and foes, lend me your
ears. I have come to bury Caesar not to praise him”.
I want to write and read this
eulogy in Latin for it only seems fitting to read a dead language at such a
funeral.
I would have loved to call her by
name but for security purposes, I won’t. Let’s say if I would love her name to
be in the alphabet, then it would have to be starting with the 28th
letter of the alphabet. Nameless to be precise.
She was born in Kondogbia Village
in Seme District Kisumu West in a village full of sadness. I hope she’s in a
happier place now but let’s be honest, you don’t get struck by lightning during
a sunny day because God loves you you know. But still we can hope.
I met her in 2012 when I was I
campus. She always claimed she has a good heart and often refused to take a
bottle of beer in my company. I wonder
why organ transplant black market agents are not here to purchase her organs.
Any organ agents present ? None !
She wasn’t a rich lady, she wasn’t
a proud lady neither was she a top top model. So I suppose, what I am really
saying is that lets hurry. There’s a cake back at her house and if we hurry we
might as well catch the Manchester United vs Arsenal game live on her flat
screen.
Her Female Neighbour’s Words
She seduced my husband, spreadvicious
rumors about me and got me fired from my dream job. All I want to say is that I
really want to be in the front line when we start pouring soil onto her coffin.
My Final Word
Let us give thanks to the Lord for
in his infinite love and wisdom for us all, he’s taken her to heaven just
before her prime. Rest in peace The Jezebel of my dreams.
The Pastor’s Final Words
Ashes to ashes dust to dust, wait a
minute. Her smart phone really looks nice. Does it still have a warranty ? let
me try my sim card in it.
What more can I say about the
deceased ? I didn’t know her personally but friends and members of her extended
family have contributed generously to my parish. God bless.
