How A Female Lecturer Messed My Teeth With Her Wild Dressing In Class

Dr Tanye as I always referred to her, was a charming and beautiful lady as my little adjectival language would put it in simple terms.

I was a huge competitor for her attention in class now that she had a mountain of flesh on her rear side that would enter the classroom moments after she had entered the class room. She was generally blessed by this endowment that she used to suffocate in short skirts that made every Tom , Dick and Harry to salivate. Especially this boy called “Dick”who was a resident in a hut made of cotton inside my trouser.

Ironically, we expected Dr Tanye to teach us Literature or Social Work because in Literature, we would try to symbolize every alliteration and rhyme in a poem with her sitting endorsement. In Social Work, the ladies in our class would get inspiration on how to become a Doctor In The Socialite World. Unfortunately, Dr Tanye used to teach us Religion and Theology though we had to wait for second year to get a proper nic-name for her because its in second year where we were taught about Mount Sinai. Truth be told, hers was just as huge as Mount Sinai and I later on deleted the “ai” and just called it Mount Sin since it made me a sinner by breaking the commandment of “Though Shall Not Covet”.

So on this Monday she comes to teach us and I didn’t carry my note books or pen because I wanted to make a move for her now that I wanted to prove myself a village champion and hero and the first man from my village who went to campus and dated a Lecturer.

I couldn’t wait for class to end because her short blue skirt was already cutting short my Monday blues and on this day, insult was added on injury because she came to class and congratulated Manchester United for beating QPR four nil and guess what, I am a Manchester United die hard so I started cooking a pick up line based on Manchester United players names, “DrTanye, I am Blind, can you be the Angel Maria to make me see again ?”

As she continued to teach base on the book of Esther, I kept thinking of how my girlfriend Claire is only 21 years old yet she behaves like some Zinjanthropic grandmother with no sense of dressing like Dr Tanye. What of if Claire reaches 50 years old ? She will be fossil fuel. (A voice in my head answered like it knew what I wanted to say)

After the lesson, she asked, “Who is Bob ?” My heart began beating faster and venacava transported blood to my heart faster than a running witch from Kisii, the Pulmonary vein then transported the blood in a speed of 96 heart beats per second with no speed governor to an organ in my trouser where a referendum called “OkoaMwili” was launched by an impromptu “Election”. Replace the “l” with “r”. 

Her eyes were red and she looked very romantic as I followed her with no hesitation thinking that her body was the destination of the referendum as I followed her  to her office that was located in the basement of  the School Of Religion flats.

I knew today was the day, I felt like it was my last birthday before traveling to Australia for a comedy show. 

I arrived in her office and found her putting up a chart on the wall and my fantasy grew wilder as I saw her neatly shaved armpits unlike these campus ladies with bushes that never burn. Armpit bushes that cant make me remove my shoes to share a bed with them.

She closed the door and started to talk in a soft voice like the one used in body lotion adverts on television.

Then she asked "Bob, can you do everything I ask ?"
In an Eldoret man’s speed I said, " Yes madam, and  I have been wanting you."
Then she said , "I WANT YOU TO BE SERIOUS IN CLASS,"

Then she opened the big Cup Board of books in her office and damn! My mother rushed out of the cup board with a huge peace of wood as Dr Tanye said, “Mama Bob, let me help you beat this son of yours. I told you we would catch him one day."

That is how I lost my two lower front teeth

[ B.O.B A Whoof Deh © 2014, I am Still Toothless With Plastic Teeth ]