Those
of you who know a bit of swimming should hold this behavior as one of those sub
hobbies that go unsaid in public.
For
this session, let as refer to this hobby as a buttock blast. Buttock blast done
when you are swimming under water normally smells more rotten. Do you know why
?its because the blast comes out of its palace as a motion of air. Then when it
arrives at the water, it gets enclosed and becomes a bubble/bag of air. Since
the air is hot, it travels upwards and as it travels, it boils and churns
itself just like milk gets rotten on its own when put in a tight container that
is free from oxygen. When it reaches thewater surface and bursts beautifully, the
concoction is so stinky and fresh in itself. Its like harvesting fart. I think
this should be harvested for killing mosquitoes.
So as
a five year old kid, one day I was in ‘doofmpararo’(swimming
in those roadside poodled ditches) and I decided to go to the ‘deep ends’ full
of confidence as I took a deep breath to keep me alive under water. My friends
would envy my swimming prowess.
Then
while down that deep end, I let out a buttock blast that came in installments
of first, one small bubble then two bigger bubbles and a smaller last born
bubble followed the bigger bubbles like a tail follows a cow.
The
blast was so big bearing in my stomach the mixture of beans, fish soup and
other proteins whose names only appear in my vernacular that I had molested in
the morning. The blast was so titanic that I felt like it made the water to
boil.
The
toads, frogs and salamanders around that water became so excited and started to
follow my blasting organ. It’s as if I had put some spicy aroma in the water.
I
didn’t have a swimming costume, so used to swim in this old boxer of my father
that occasionally slid away from the rubber band fastening I gave it. It left
my ‘things’ hanging out there in the
frog and toad infested waters. You can picture a scenario of a short man whose
legs don’t peddle faster in water due to the weight and height of the ‘things’ which also look clumsy as they
also try to look like some extra padlles or life saving ped-ckets (life saver
paddling jackets).
The
frogs and toads looked hungry and angry with teeth sticking out like wood
cutting saws and probably angry at the sight of my bouncing ‘things’.
At
some point as my energy wore out, I saw some frogs going for salt and picking some
green algae vegetation (vegetables) to accompany this free meal of my ‘things’.
The biggest frog that led this army of frogs opened its mouth wide ready to bite my ‘things’ and yes, it bit the one ‘thing’. The pain… ouch!
That’s
when I woke up this morning to realize that I was dreaming that I was putting
on my new jeans trouser and that its zip was tearing my ‘things’.
[B.O.B
A Whoof Deh , 2015 © , Have You Ever Had Your Zip Tearing You ?]
