Don't Tell Ladies I Said The Following

Understanding women has been rated top among the most difficult things to do in the world which apparently include breaking diamond. Diamond is the worlds hardest object yet its hardness comes second after the hardness of understanding women. I dont know why.

As I start the intercourse of this post, I want to tell you that in a relationship or marriage, one person is always right while the other person is the husband. This right person is very hard to understand because most of the times, she wants to be like the girl on the magazine cover yet even the girl on the magazine cover doesnt know who she is in real life.

Make Up

We all know that some ladies take less time to make up their minds than their faces so in most cases its best to judge this book called ‘Women’ by the cover because thats where more time was spent.

Those Who Seek Advice In Newspapers

Ladies are the first ones to write to Dr Cupids of daily newspapers saying, ‘Dear Dr Cupid, I am a single girl becasue i dont likr commitments but every guy friend  i have wants them so i friend zone them until they are annoyed... How do i find good guy friends who dont want to have sex or start a relationship ? i want a nice friend to hang out with and go out with ! what is your advice.’As far as i know myself, my answer would be :

Answer : If you want great guys you can hang out with and dont have sex with, you can look for men whose behaviors include putting on pink T-Shirts written ‘Daddy’s Angel’. These men are called GAY. These men will never try to have sex with you. Infact they will f*ck every man that tries to f*ck you. In short , boo boo, you cant find a straight dude that never wants to have sex. Good Luck.

Ladies Who Want Men With Beards

Some ladies want men with beards yet when they get men with beards, they claim that the beards are not manly. Such ladies go on to insult beardless men as men with foreheads extended to their chins. I have never heard of feminine beards. My advice to this type of ladies would be that they go and kidnap male chimpanzees whose beards are as manly as desired. Generally, my girlfriend loves my beards because she claims that whenever we kiss, she feels an arousal by the prick of the beards which is kind of weird. My analysis of ladies who love men with beards however is that, no beard shaving translates to money saved for picnics, pizzas and weave purchase and if there shall be no money at all, then we shall get hair from the beard.

Still on the beard talk, ladies love when they kiss you and they grab something long at least the beards for those with not so long zig zillas. Okay, lets continue.

Of The Lame Reasons Ladies Give US To Avoid Sex

‘I can hear the neighbors still chatting.’ Are they chatting in our room ? Come on !

‘I am angry with you!’ Okay, but you are not angry with my zigzilla. This reason is very lame

The lamest reason has to be, ‘I am not in the mood’. Very soon we shall start hearing reasons like, ‘Oh! I am your sister!’ Blah blah blah. 

To The Babel

These ladish behaviours normally confuse ;

a1.      Ladies want to eat fries, pizza, chicken, chocolate and macaronni and still expect to shape up like Rihanna. Come on ladies, there is no way this is going to happen. (Circle shape looming)

b2.      Some ladies want to walk on high heels for the first time and still manage not to look like a gully creeping kangaroo walking on its hind legs. Come on, i know there is a first time for everything but at least, practice at home before you set foot in public for perfection

c3.       Some ladies post photos of themselves on instagram , half naked, posing like an lizard climbing a tree, holding a wall as if the wall is going to fall, one finger on lips while she bites them, one eye closed, left leg folded upwards orgasmically and still feel bad when normal men like me call them whores

d4.      Ladies who apply the wrong red lipstick, then the sun shines and as the lipstick peels off, they expect to look like Rihanna yet they look like some caricature i sketched with my left foot on my sketch book

e5.      A girlfriend  who refuses being taken to a Mental school yet she  scrolls my phone book and shouts at me, “I went through your phone book, who the hell is Mum!”

[ B.O.B A Whoof Deh, Don't Tell The Ladies I Roasted Them, September 2015 ]