The evening was cool and calm as already predicted by Grace Gitonga on the weather news. So at around 8:00pm, I left my grandmother’s house and went to meet Milka. We normally met under a certain mango tree near their home.She looked ecstatic. She hugged me tight and I felt heaven’s door open.We agreed to meet later in the night at 11:00pm so that we would have the chance to speak like young adults full of un-used adrenaline.
At 11:00pm, I cheated my grandmother that I was going to check if the door to the cow shed was locked. She just laughed and told me, ‘Mosna Min Milka’ (Greet for me Milka’s mother). I laughed and she laughed too. She laughed back at me and continued to weave her basket as I left the house blushing all over my face. Even my nose was blushing.I walked towards the scene bare feet, with a red pair of shorts, no underwear and a yellow vest that had an image of Ronaldo the great Brazillian striker on it. In short, I was the village hero just like Ronaldo was to the villagers of Rio de Janeiro.
I looked from a far and saw Milka sleeping under the tree and covering herself in a black bed sheet. I started sweating happily inside my pair of shorts as the pair of shorts began growing small.
I was so full of psyche.I squatted next to her and started calling her diabetic names, "Sweetie, Honey, Sweet Banana. "I called on her four times and she didn’t reply. This forced me to jump on her with kisses of violence. To my shock, this was not Milka but a night runner who was hiding in the mango tree when we were arranging the love meeting.
The night runner laughed like a broken siren, "Pwahahahahahahahahahah! So you are the ones who have been making the grass around here to dry. Pwahahahahahahahahahah! If you are an athlete, start running!."
That’s when I realized that me and Usain Bolt are birds of a certain athletic feather. That’s when I also realised the importance of watching the movie calledApocalypto. This self proclaimed N.A.G.M (Night runners Association Gold Medalist) began chasing me like a cat Chinese chasing a cat that is escaping a butchery.
I ran through my girlfriend’s home as I shouted, ‘A Thief! A Thief is chasing me!’ The dogs in Milka’s homestead turned against me and began chasing me! I strated purring like a cat and hissing like a snake so that they leave me alone. But no, they chased on faster.
The carnivorous best friends of man chased me upto the end of the road. The road ended at a certain pond. I had no option but to swim into the pond. I left on the other side of the pond and into a garden of cabbages. I stood straight in the garden and pretended to be a scare crow as I was full of black mud from the pond.
One thing I knew from the dogs of our village is that they fear Leopards. This notion forced me to start Crying like a Leopard, "CHURR!KWICH ! CHURR!KWICH!” True to my idea, these dogs began running away as a sweat of relief dropped from my nose to vest.I started walking slowly for the obvious reason of being tired. Unfortunately, this night runner had not given up. This time he came riding towards me on top of a fiery bull with very sharp horns.
"You thought you are Usain Bolt, now let’s see." I was so scared. The bull was very thin, hungry and tired though, so he left the bull to rest so that he chases me manually. He was almost catching me when his hungry dogs began eating his cow. The cow was also horny so it thought that the dogs were caressing it yet it was being bitten and being chewed alive.
This didn’t stop him from chasing me.I ran upto my grandmother’s house and hid under her bed. Afraid of coming to my grandmother’s bed, he entered the kitchen to revenge on the food. Night runners are wicked, I knew he would urinate on the kitchen utensils .
After eating three punches of the meal in the pot, I barked like an angry dog and it was now my turn to chase him away as I shouted, "You have eaten food poisoned for the rats you fool!."
Interestingly, the guy ran upto Milka’s home then into the main kitchen where he drank milk and raw eggs to make him vomit the poison
That’s the time Milka too came back from the mango tree. She lit her torch into the face of the man only for both of us to realize that the man was her father.
[B.O.B A Whoof Deh © 2014, This Is Athletically Unfair ]
hehe very intresting
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