Girlfriend, after my graduation I know I will have introduced you to my mother and that you will have developed a little appetite of wanting to visit my my mother in Kisumu County in my countryside. By the way her name is Auma Nyaranda, so when you visit her when I am there or not, kindly do the following to that bearer of the womb that bore your boyfriend.
Girlfriend, when you visit Auma Nyaranda, learn how to use “furudut”. Furudut is a metal pipe used to pass air/oxygen to firewood in the kitchen on the three stones when cooking. Are we together ? The blowing is normally done in a crouching position and you have crouched and even walked on fours on several occasions eg when fetching something under the bed so dont pretend that you cant. Normally the smoke can make you cough like a burukenge but girlfriend, Auma Nyaranda knows that university girls smoke a lot of weed and cigarrates so they really know how to control their coughs and that they can’t cough at the choke of any smoke. I know you have never smoked so this maybe a wife material test.
Girlfriend when you visit Auma Nyaranda, kindly buy her a lesso written, “Mwanao Ni Mwerevu”. My mother has been a doubter of my brightness because she has been a slave of the writings I make on social media. She thinks that I am a fool. Maybe its because I make my writings while high on my demons of writing.
Girlfriend when you visit my mother, make sure you walk like a man and that you eat big ugali like a man. Don't cat walk. My mother loves strong people. For me, I am only strong in the mouth. My pang’ang’a is high class but my physical strength in the farm deserves a supplementary exam. So you might as well stand in for me. Another wife material test there. When you are strong, my mother will kill all our dogs because they are a bunch of none sense watchmen that only eat ugali for nothing but littering our home with white droppings. By the way our dogs eat ugali, meat is a reserve of me and people of my calibre who have passed through university. Girlfriend if you are strong, my mother will love to have you as her personal bouncer against my big uncle who always scares her because my father is decaying in clay.
Girlfriend, when you visit Auma Nyaranda, make sure you attend the chiefs Baraza each Thursday so that you represent me when I am absent. By the way each Thursday, the chief normally canes village people who have done wrongs eg trying to thiefing, smoking plants that the government has banned etc. I normally attend these meetings since I am the only learned persona in my village so the Chief always gives me orders of issuing the number of canes that the law breakers are to be given. So kindly represent me well and make sure that all boys who break rules are given a lot of canes so that they fear you and don’t seduce you because I hate competition especially from people who stopped learning when they realised that some foreign hair is growing sonewhere.
Girlfriend, when you visit my mother at home, make sure you laugh at each joke she cracks because she assumes that she has a comedy talent. The only bad thing with her talent is that she cracks jokes about my younger brother yet my younger brother is already a joke in himself. By the way my younger brother is the only man who can pocket while naked. By the way my little bother loves food so much and for that matter my mother called him “Matumbo”. By the way girlfriend make sure that you understand my little brother’s love for food. He normally buys his own sugar then he puts the sugar in a washed transparent plastic of omo. Then he ensures that the sugar is not full in the plastic. Then just above the sugar, he puts five house-flies. So each time he comes back and he finds that one of the flies has flown away, then girlfriend you will end up purchasing the whole of Mumias Sugar company for that alumni of my mother’s womb.
Girlfriend, please I beg you, when you visit Auma Nyaranda, don’t wash your G Strings aka thongs and hang them in public because my mum is so much used to sleeping hungry and she would think that in the state of our poverty, you have started to eat your “under garments”.
Girlfriend, can I give you bus fare ? She sent me a please call me, then I sent her airtime for beeping me then she beeped and I called her back. She told me that she is waiting to see the type of a monkey that I am going to marry now that I usually refer to her as “My Father’s Monkey.'' Auma Nyaranda is waiting for you with fried quillea birds meat soaked in ghee, just for you. She wants to take care of you as her daughter now that she has no daughter but only two sons.
[B.O.B © 2014, Where Is My Girlfriend? ]
Girlfriend, when you visit Auma Nyaranda, learn how to use “furudut”. Furudut is a metal pipe used to pass air/oxygen to firewood in the kitchen on the three stones when cooking. Are we together ? The blowing is normally done in a crouching position and you have crouched and even walked on fours on several occasions eg when fetching something under the bed so dont pretend that you cant. Normally the smoke can make you cough like a burukenge but girlfriend, Auma Nyaranda knows that university girls smoke a lot of weed and cigarrates so they really know how to control their coughs and that they can’t cough at the choke of any smoke. I know you have never smoked so this maybe a wife material test.
Girlfriend when you visit Auma Nyaranda, kindly buy her a lesso written, “Mwanao Ni Mwerevu”. My mother has been a doubter of my brightness because she has been a slave of the writings I make on social media. She thinks that I am a fool. Maybe its because I make my writings while high on my demons of writing.
Girlfriend when you visit my mother, make sure you walk like a man and that you eat big ugali like a man. Don't cat walk. My mother loves strong people. For me, I am only strong in the mouth. My pang’ang’a is high class but my physical strength in the farm deserves a supplementary exam. So you might as well stand in for me. Another wife material test there. When you are strong, my mother will kill all our dogs because they are a bunch of none sense watchmen that only eat ugali for nothing but littering our home with white droppings. By the way our dogs eat ugali, meat is a reserve of me and people of my calibre who have passed through university. Girlfriend if you are strong, my mother will love to have you as her personal bouncer against my big uncle who always scares her because my father is decaying in clay.
Girlfriend, when you visit Auma Nyaranda, make sure you attend the chiefs Baraza each Thursday so that you represent me when I am absent. By the way each Thursday, the chief normally canes village people who have done wrongs eg trying to thiefing, smoking plants that the government has banned etc. I normally attend these meetings since I am the only learned persona in my village so the Chief always gives me orders of issuing the number of canes that the law breakers are to be given. So kindly represent me well and make sure that all boys who break rules are given a lot of canes so that they fear you and don’t seduce you because I hate competition especially from people who stopped learning when they realised that some foreign hair is growing sonewhere.
Girlfriend, when you visit my mother at home, make sure you laugh at each joke she cracks because she assumes that she has a comedy talent. The only bad thing with her talent is that she cracks jokes about my younger brother yet my younger brother is already a joke in himself. By the way my younger brother is the only man who can pocket while naked. By the way my little bother loves food so much and for that matter my mother called him “Matumbo”. By the way girlfriend make sure that you understand my little brother’s love for food. He normally buys his own sugar then he puts the sugar in a washed transparent plastic of omo. Then he ensures that the sugar is not full in the plastic. Then just above the sugar, he puts five house-flies. So each time he comes back and he finds that one of the flies has flown away, then girlfriend you will end up purchasing the whole of Mumias Sugar company for that alumni of my mother’s womb.
Girlfriend, please I beg you, when you visit Auma Nyaranda, don’t wash your G Strings aka thongs and hang them in public because my mum is so much used to sleeping hungry and she would think that in the state of our poverty, you have started to eat your “under garments”.
Girlfriend, can I give you bus fare ? She sent me a please call me, then I sent her airtime for beeping me then she beeped and I called her back. She told me that she is waiting to see the type of a monkey that I am going to marry now that I usually refer to her as “My Father’s Monkey.'' Auma Nyaranda is waiting for you with fried quillea birds meat soaked in ghee, just for you. She wants to take care of you as her daughter now that she has no daughter but only two sons.
[B.O.B © 2014, Where Is My Girlfriend? ]
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