On This Day In 2010, I Became Single Upto Now

I know you are surprised why my girlfriend is called Ambululu.

Ambululu is the nickname I gave her because, the first day I met her, she was bathing in the River and I was there fetching water for bathing at home.

I didn’t bathe with that water because I feared getting an erection because this beautiful sweet heart had bathed with the one I fetched. Instead, I gave our dog the water to drink and it got horny for a week. When we went hunting with the dog and other dogs, our dog got an erection while we were chasing a gazelle and instead of arresting the gazelle for us, our dog started to chase a female dog and we lost the gazelle.

So her name is Ambululu because on this first day I saw her, instead of giving be butterflies, she gave me weaver birds and I felt the worms in my stomach producing the sound, 'ambululululululu!' as if I had a stomach ache.

After that day, I kept visiting her with vibes e.g'you are the only cockroach in my cupboard' etc, then the rest was not only History but Geography and Biology Practicals in the bushes near our home though one day red safari ants entered our clothes while in the bush and upto the day I took her to Kenchic, we never tried a bush thing but pure abstinence.

So, on this day of Kenchic out, it was not Geography or History or Biology but a matter or Business and Economics because I remember the vibe that made her to love me was,

' just like Rihanna I will be your umbrella,

never go broke I will be your bank teller'

And of course on this first date in the city, I had to prove my bank telling prowess to this beauty of Kaminudi Village.

I had no money, so I stole my mother's merry go round money that she normally kept in an old bra that she bought in second hand clothes just for the purpose of home banking. I stole 275 shillings from the bra then made a rat like architectured hole on the bra so that my father's wife would think that the money was munched by a rat that would be probably belching money gas in some corner of the house by then.

25 shillings was for fare then 250 for lunch with Ambululu though I had also not eaten anything.

I arrived like some CEO at Kenchic and there she was smiling , taller than me today because she begged for heels from her aunties church mate. She hugged me and I felt something hard on trouser......... Alas ! It was a long necklace that she also borrowed that was hard, what have you thought of ?

So, she ordered her kitchen. Sorry, chicken and when it came, her violence with the half chicken started, looking at the menu I realized that I had to walk back home and starve myself because the kitchen was 250 shillings and that was the only cash I had.

I pretended to be okay and watching over her when in the real sense, the worms in my tummy were craving for even a breath of the chickens aroma.

Nkt ! She didn’t even finish the chicken and fries, she left 85 % of it on the plate and claimed to be in a hurry to see her dad. She hugged me and walked away hurriedly as I escorted her to the bus stop. She took a bus and went while I ran back to Kenchick Cafe to devour the remains of chicken and fries that she left before the waiters would clear the table. At least the food would give me energy to walk home now that I had no fare.

I entered Kenchick and pounced on the meal, ate slowly as I facebooked so that I looked like I had some uptown swag.

The unfortunate happened when Ambululu came back to the hotel to pick her pink hand bag that she had forgotten under the table.

Upto now, I am single.

[ B.O.B A WhoofDeh, 2014 Copyright, Help me people.]